i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
