My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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