If i come over, it means nothing
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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