There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
