I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
