Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
