Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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