...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
