All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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