Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Still dying that you shit outside
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
