why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
