Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
