After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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