guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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