Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
