i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
