Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
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And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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