i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
