Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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