I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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