I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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