My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
