Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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