Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
