I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
