Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just puked most of my soul out..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
