Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
