Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
