My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize