girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
