Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
