how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He better not be in your backpack
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
