I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
