My brain says no but my pants say off.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
