i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
