the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
