Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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