Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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