id be glad to
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
