Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
