he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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