He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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