At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
