Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
