There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
