Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
