Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
