'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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