Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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