no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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