how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
