she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
