Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
