yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
