Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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