I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
