that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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