Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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