so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
