I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
