we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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