hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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