if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
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Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I lost the right to judge tonight
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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