Nicole vs. Life
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
