I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
