So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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