I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
