My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
