I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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