party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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