Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
