thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
