You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
