On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
