There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
