and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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