the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
