Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
