I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
