Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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