I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
