flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
