Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
