The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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