College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
