Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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